Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
