So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
