we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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