It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
