So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
