just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
