FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
