I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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