why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
