my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
