in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
