Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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