Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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