you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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