i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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