If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
