3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love accidental penises.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
