1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
