take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
