That's when you crack a 10am beer
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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