You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
