i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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