I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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