Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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