i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
