Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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