Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
