so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
