he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
