oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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