I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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