Michael Bay diarrhea
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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