i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
