i permit you to call me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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