I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
