Duck Duck Cougar?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They are going to name an STD after you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
