and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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