I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
