Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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