I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cannot find my penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
