Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
