we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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