so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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