How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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