This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
