Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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