Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think your dad took our porno
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
