What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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