i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
