barbara walters just said penis...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
