just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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