Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
