I can't breathe out the right side of my face
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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